No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize