If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
