the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
