no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
