My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
