So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
