return my video game
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
