If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
