I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
