dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wear drunk well.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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