i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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