So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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