just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
