just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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