AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
