Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
