I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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