i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
