never play flip cup with pint glasses
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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