so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
