And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
