He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
