I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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