sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Welp...herpes.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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