My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize