Already got asked if we're dating
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
