FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
