I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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