Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
