I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
