I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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