What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
