i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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