Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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