Your dad touched me again.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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