In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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