so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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