Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
