So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
