I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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