Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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