I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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