I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
