My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
