She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
