I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize