and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
