Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
