I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
