Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
