doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
