I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
