my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
