Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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