I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
