My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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