well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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