I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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