That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
