I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
