I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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