Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
operation have a gay friend backfired
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
