hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
