I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
