There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
