Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize