I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I could make wine with my vomit
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
