we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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