booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
