i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
