Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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