you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize