I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
