I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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