This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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