I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
