I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
