What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize