do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My brain says no but my pants say off.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
